Quotes for tonight: 09 May

• James: You could tie the drow to a rope and have them all levitate, and pull them along. Angel: And then I could swing the rope! Jefe: Drow on a rope? Is that like soap on a rope? Me: Just...don't drop your drow in the shower.
• James: I'm sorry...did I just piss in your straw?
• GM: You know, she was in that one movie...with what's-is-face? (beat) Oh, could I be more vague? (Long pause) Good Will Hunting? Jefe: There was a woman in Good Will Hunting? GM: Besides Ben Affleck? Yes.
• Angel: If you displace yourself, and look to the left, do you see yourself?
• GM: If a displacer beast displaces itself, could it lick its own ass?
• Me: I've just discovered the secret to fixing earrings! If you wait long enough, they go out of vogue...
• Me: And then Mom TP'd... Angel: TP'd? Me: Yeah, Mom's playing D&D with Chicken on.
• GM: And the unborn child, which, for its sake, had better be born a girl. Jefe: Ewww, it's got a penis, kill it. Lily: It has extra parts. Can I send it back?
• Jefe: We found out Sekkyro' has a little bit of a gay streak... Me: Sekkyro' is NOT GAY! Lily: Is someone in denial?
• Jefe (reading the PHB): Holy God! Angel: Usually.
• GM: And sometime during the night, a fog rolls in. And you (pointing at Lily) see little lights off in the distance. Me: They're calling your name. Angel (mock-passion): Oh, yes! Ohhh, yes! Me: A little pink light, and a little blue light...and two little purple lights off in the corner together... GM: (stares helplessly, then bangs head on door)
• GM: ...Two points of damage. Angel: Ow. I proceed to beat the shit out of it. Is there a pencil?
• GM: You attack the wight. Angel: But it's black. GM: It's easy to see. Because it's a wight, and it's black out. Angel: I'm just going to attack it.
• GM: You send the lackeys out instead of going yourself? How noble. Jefe (Casually): I have to watch the drow. GM: The drow could beat the shit out of you. Jefe: I could scare the shit out of them. Lily: Michael Flatley? Jefe: Michael Flatley. I have Permanent Image now.
• GM (triumphantly): It's not...re-dead, yet!
• GM: While you weren't looking, one of the little lights floated up to you and went 'ZOT!' Me: Little-light-little-light-little-light-AIEE!
• Me: 18 damage to the wight. Angel: How much to the wong?
Jefe: The wight turns black? Or red? GM: Black and blue...
• GM: But it's 10 points in a different way, because this was 6 and 4 and the last was 5 and 5. Angel: Oooh, it stings...slightly differently.
• GM: You get five wight ears. One's a bit yellow. Angel: And one wong. Me: Three wight, one wong, one yellow? Angel: No, the wong one was yellow...
• GM: Morning breaks. Angel: Good. It stays dark. GM: You head on your way. Me: Oh. Head on your way. For some reason, I heard "Hit on your wang," and I was like "no, he doesn't do that either." GM: No...no wang-hitting!
• Jefe: My wang is prehensile.
• Angel: Is it tattooed too? Me: Yeah, with two serpents. GM: It's pierced. Me: Little chains for the tongues. Bri (cringing): The sun elf climbs a tree. And stays very far away from him.
• GM: Conveniently at dusk, you reach whats-is-twat's castle. Me: Keep going. It's too convenient to not be a trap. Someone: He has a twat?
• GM: You can attack at night, or wait until morning. Me: Morning! No, wait, I'm drow. Night.
• GM: He's sitting in the throne room, all enthroned...reading the paper. Angel: Reading the paper? GM: He's on the throne... Me: I'm not writing that one down.
• GM: I like Mage Hand. Angel: Who doesn't?
• GM: I'll provide breakfast for you... Me: Hash browns? GM: Of course Lily (under her breath): Scattered, smothered, covered...
• Jefe: You know, you can't really cast a spell subtly as a bard... GM: No, you can't.... Me (singing and strumming a fake guitar): I'm not casting a spell....I'm just singing...about the fireball that might coincidentally come out of nowhere... GM (mimicking): Wouldn't that be funny...ha, ha, ha, ha.... Continue, until we're all on the floor, laughing: GM: You find me scary...boo, boo, boo! Me: Grr, hiss! Angel (rolling dice): I critically threaten myself.
• Angel: We move the immovable rods. GM: Only because you pushed the button.
• Me: So, wait. It's hallway-hallway-hallway-oops?
• Jefe: I have rope. I have rope knowledge. Me: The bard knows rope.
• So. You have two fifty-foot lengths of rope, five immovable rods, and a 200-foot shaft, straight up, with reversed gravity on it. How do you get to the top? Or is it the bottom?
• GM: Weren't you like from the 44th noble house or something? Me: Yeah, but we live out in the boondocks. Jefe: So you're like redneck drow... James: Trailer-trash drow. Angel: I would so hate to walk in on that Jerry Springer show.
• GM: You have two corpses. James: I animate them. GM: Okay, you have two small zombie electrical...no, they're just little zombie lizards (mimes) Grrowr....grrrrowr.
• Jefe: Healing circle. The bard got you into a little circle and led you all in a rousing chorus of Kum-ba-yah. And now you feel better.
• GM: No, the pebble falls up, to the ceiling. Which is the floor of the shaft. You've got something crawling on your boobs. (It was a bug.)
• Angel: Do I recognise her? GM: Have you seen a picture of the goddess? Me: Actually, she has the collectible cards. Swimsuit edition.
• Angel: I say something in Celestial that probably isn't said very often in Celestial. James: You just lost your cleric levels.
• Me: It's part of being a girl. We bitch about things to each other. Jefe: I need someone to bitch at. Me: Guys don't get bitch-buddies. Jefe: No, we have fuck-buddies who get us in trouble.
• James: I suppose it would be a bad idea to kill the high priestess of a goddess right in front of her? GM: Um, yes. Bad idea to try.