Role-playing quotes...

Transcribed post-session, since my laptop is in the shop.

• GM: Your bow has electrical arrows. Lily: Let's play 'shock the drow' Me: The drow are shocked enough.
• GM: Your horses whuffle.
• Angel: I bet if you turn out the lights, there'll be a glowing cross on my forehead. GM: Ooh, ooh! Put a pentagram on mine!
• (I got a new sword. When drawn, it acts as if 'displace self' is cast on me. Riding along, I practise swordplay) GM: And then you're not sitting on your horse, and then you are... James (A chaotic evil cleric): What the bloody heaven are you doing? Me: Practising.
• Me (to James): Are you talking to your waist? Angel: What? Me: We need to go that way. Angel: We're listening to his crotch? James: Some things are more intelligent than others.
• GM: You come to a fence. Me: Does it have a stile? GM: Sort of nouveau-chic.
• Me: Then I draw my other sword and stab the horse's body. Lily: Talk about beating a dead horse...
• Me (to Lily): Are you doing anything? I just slaughtered my horse and walked off. Lily: I'm thinking I won't be following him.
• Angel: Next round. (rolls) Oh, I drool some more.
• Me: I prevent her from wandering. GM: The spell breaks. Angel: What the hell? Me: Hi. Angel: Hi. Thanks. Me: And thus the drow exchange the first civil words of the entire campaign...
• Me: I spend the night splitting grass. Around her bed. GM (to Angel): You wake up. You've got split ends. Angel (to me): You missed.
• GM: There's nothing around the dome except grass. Me: Fuzzy grass. GM: Fuzzy grass.
• GM: It goes 'twang', 'twang', 'twonk', 'twang'... Me: Hold up - let's go back to the 'twonk'. Jefe: Yes, because I stop at every 'twonk' I see.
• Me: I hold my hand out in front of me, close my eyes, and walk toward the door. GM: You run into some nice hard porcelain. Me: With my hand. GM: Yes. Me: Hence the hand. Jefe: I want to see him run his nose into the giant egg. I'd write a song about it and sing it over and over.
• Jefe (after Angel rolls a 31 for initiative): He's going first. Like, we're still thinking about moving, and she's over there doing a jig.
• GM (to James, same combat round): What's your init? James: Six. GM: Slow-ass bitch.
• Angel: Does it move threateningly? GM: Yes. Angel: Well, I move threateningly back at it.
• GM (to me): It bites at you, and goes 'grr, grr'. (rolls) And then it misses you with its claw and grabs itself. Me: Great, so it bites me and goes all Michael Jackson. GM: And then it hits you with its other claw and goes 'growl, growl'.
• GM: It's a grr-goyle. Me: Dammit, Eric, why are all of your monsters gay?
• GM (pointing at me): Maybe the gargoyle will eat her. Me (I'm playing a male character): Him. Chorused: Him. Him. GM (pointing at Angel, playing a female character): Her. Angel: Me? GM: You're still a drow...
• GM: It is not gay. It's French.
• Me: I have normal dreams. They're just not memorable. I spend the night bored.
• Me: I pick up a crystal shard. No, actually, I pick up several. Because they might be good to put in people's eyes later.
• GM (he claims it's from a commercial...): Do you believe in Crystal Light? Because it believes in me.
• Me: You're drooling Sweet Tarts.
• GM: Does anyone have Knock? Me: No, but I have 'kick'.
• Me: Live-action tentacle porn. Next, on HBO.
• GM: They notice you. Well, one of the medusa's snakes does, and pokes her.
• GM: She [the Medusa] is putting on her shirt. Me: I take the opportunity. One must appreciate all things.
• Jefe or Angel: Okay, we all have to buff her, now.
• Someone: Did you ever see a smug octopus?
• Me: Name one thing that would be worth letting you and that snake-ass bitch out of there. I've seen skin less scaly on a dragon with psoriasis. GM: You had better hope those two never get out of that wall of force...or you are so going to be hunted down...
• James: There's three somethings in there... Me: Define 'something'. James: Gooey, watery, something.
• GM: ...astral constructs guarding the passage. Me: Asshole constructs? Angel: No, then they'd be sort of brown. GM: And log-shaped. Guess what we called the Astral Plane for the rest of the session...
• Me: The good thing about Bri is that she's portable. Lily: Plus, when you step on me I make cracking noises. I'm like a cockroach.
• GM: Plus, it's salt water; it'll dry your skin out. Lily: You're a bad, bad man.
• GM: Does anyone here have 'rope use'? Jefe: No, but I have 30 skill points I need to get rid of...
• James: At this rate, we could've probably walked to the Celestial Plane.
• Jefe: I will not be the bard responsible for bringing Sailor Moon to Faerun.
• Angel: I look down into the goo. GM: She's suspended above you. Angel: I look up into the goo.
• GM: She (the dragon)'s got big green boobs.
• GM: Her big green eyes sear into your soul...but she makes a really cool sparkly effect on the walls like a giant disco ball.
• Someone: That's it, call the drow a dwarf.
• Me: Thank God for telepathy. No tongue to get in the way.
• Jefe: How did drow evolve levitation as an innate ability? Me: Because accidentally falling down bottomless pits is bad. Someone (a la Crocodile Hunter): Oh, crikey! We lost another one! Someone else: Danger! Danger!
• Angel (in the Astral Plane): I'm looking for something that's not grey and swirly.