Assembled Quotage

Previously recorded quotes:

• Me (during a discussion of pap smears): There was this chick with labia that were this big... Phloxin: Eww, meat curtains!
• I tell a story about a wine labelled "Fanny," and discussion ensues of the picture of a little boy kissing a little girls ass. Phloxin: In the US that would be considered pornography. Lily: But in France it’s art.
• Jorath is being carried by paladin of the lady due to having a Str of 0 after a trap; "flaccid gnome" and "lymph gnome" jokes abound
• Lily: Half elf - Half wookie?
• Dash: I'm missing some porn gene. Uh. Humor gene. And no. I don't want the mushrooms.
• Dash: Banging, footstools. It's all the same.
• Phloxin: I have a 16 charisma. Mike: That'll do. Phloxin: I'm wearing brown leather. Mike: That'll do. Phloxin: Get out of my face, dog boy!
• Me: Your monkey is a Betty Ford reject!
• Phloxin: I ran with the crack smoking monkey. It's the monkey on her back!
• Phloxin: He hides in the folds of reality. Me: I thought you were going to say underwear.
• Erica: You people are way too involved with my monkey's ass.
• Phloxin: What's a Thoqa? Lily: What is that, swearing in pig latin?
• Me: It was a tragic accident involving a knitting needle and a double throw where I should have dropped a stitch.
• Dash: Your appreciation is all I desire. Phloxin: Your piece of ass is all I desire.
• Erica: What would you do with a hung over crack monkey?
• Me: I need to learn medical spanish. Heather: Yes, like, "Did you puncture an artery?"
• Dash: There's not much you can do with Minime. Me: There's not much Minime to do.
• Angel: She would be my twin, but I'm covered in gore. Mike: A marked improvement.

Tonight's quotes:

• Me: Eye rays. As opposed to You rays. ZoaS: Not J rays, or K rays?
• Mike: At three hit points, isn't (a beholder kin for a familiar) more liability than it's worth?
• Dash: I can safely say my anaconda don't want none.
• David: It's all orange outside...
• Kaiden: No rabbits! David: Evil rabbits!
• ZoaS (on a discussion of Baby Got Back): No, it's "Oh...my god." You have to get the pause in there.
• ZoaS: I'm disturbed because he's over there squealing like a girl. Phloxin: I do everything like a girl. ZoaS: Oh, is that so? Is that what the strap-on was for?
• Dash: No, you bopped me on the nose with it. You don't get it back.
• Jo: Ah, touché! Tiff: That was my tushé...
• Dash: Your brains are uneven.
• Me: And we might be accosted by screaming mobs of rampant developmentees... Dash: I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, being a developmentee.
• Phloxin: I do not volunteer my anal cavity. Zia: Often.
• Dash (as Jo wants to lie on his lap): I accommodate multiple people.
• Angel: Spell penetration is another that will help you get through spell resistance. (Someone belches.) Belch is not.
• Me: Apparently, in Milwaukee, being gay is an ethnicity.
• Me: No, you should see James in full-flaming mode. Kaiden: What, is he some kind of superhero?
• David (to me, sitting on Jo): Get off my player! Jo: I'm not your player. Me: She's your player's accessory. David: Get off my accessory!
• Phloxin: When Mage Hand isn't enough. Mike: Enlarge and Grease.
• Mike: A rod of vibrating?
• Me: My cat will eat anything. Mike: Maybe I'd've had better luck with the cat. Phloxin: A piece of pussy! Mike: I have a Charisma of 6; I'll take any pussy I can get.
• Tiff: Bracers of armour... Phloxin: So you can be like Wonder Woman!
• Me: She looks like her last haircut was done with a bowl and a knife. Phloxin: Oh, gods, it's Joan of Arc. ZoaS: Joan of Elf.
• Tiff: I've got Charm Monster... ZoaS: I don't think that would work on a dragon. GM: If it failed its spell resistance...and its save... ZoaS: You amuse me, little elf one...
• Phloxin: My girl would...stand out a bit. Mike: Is it cold in here?
• Me: Was she one of my austere monkish characters? Mike: I don't know. You were too busy killing undead. Me: And being surly. GM: And drowning. Mike: Yes, there was the drowning...
• GM: Last I checked, dragons don't eat grain. Me: Shows what you know. ZoaS: It's the vegan dragon.
• Me: It's not so much "veiled sexual tension" as it is "established barbed-wire fence."
• Mike: Damn, everyone looks hot. Me: Even the halfling's about the right height...
• Me: I think we might have a problem. Mike: What's that, darling? Me: Caves. Wizards. Supposedly dead wizards. Allegedly dead wizards. Mike: No good wizard— Me: —would submit to being dead so easily, exactly.
• David: Wow, there's a really skanky ugly dwarf here.
• GM: You all already have rooms at the inn. Me: Two rooms. Mike: Unfortunately. Me: With no connecting door. Mike: Unfortunately. Me: I was most precise with the innkeeper. Mike: Unfortunately.
• Mike: I saved your life. Me: I'm grateful, but that doesn't obligate me to sleep with you. Mike: What if I save it again? Me: You have another nine times before I'll consider it. Mike: Nine. I'll remember that.
• Dash (traumatised): I made cheese goop.
• Me: The last I checked, my moral imperative didn't include sheep. Mike: Or men, for that matter.
• ZoaS: This just seems a little too easy. Me: It's always too easy. Mike: Don't I wish.
• Dash: That's not very Christmasy. That's like the undead Christmas Tree.
• GM (to Mike, with a 6 Chr): You're very pretty. Me: Oh, gods, it's an ugly-fag dragon.
• Mike (to me): You can try and save the halfling. Me: Don't look at me, I can't swim. Mike: Don't I know it.
• Tiff: Can my lizard swim? Mike: Yes, that's it, throw the electric beastie in the water.
• ZoaS: I keep staring at those socks. There's something captivating about them. Phloxin: They're hypno-socks.
• GM: You're chaotic good. While there are certain things you personally won't do, if others fudge the rules a bit, as long as you lecture them later... ZoaS: Isn't that Apathetic Good?
• ZoaS: Tell me, do you disrobe your food before you cook it? Everyone stares.
• GM: Are you going to leave, or do I need to give you impetus to leave? Mike: Is that a threat? GM: No, but this is. The dragon breathes.
• GM: You are justified in beheading it. Me: I can't behead it, I have a rapier. GM: You could perforate it... Me: I could make a little dotted line for someone to tear along on coupon Wednesdays...
• ZoaS: You feel like the time your shocker lizard jumped into the tub with you.
• Me: "Get out of the way." As if you weren't already doing just that.
• GM: You take...four points of damage from the wing-buffet. Eric (drag queen-style): Ow, that hurts! Me: Do it again!
• ZoaS: We've got the scantily-clad Elven snake charmer now.
• GM: What are you doing? Phloxin: Stabbing it with my crystal poker. GM: Are you going to tie it to a chair?
• Phloxin comes into the room, using a foam noodle to simulate an elephant's trunk, blowing through it. GM: Right. And on that note, the dragon's going to attack you.
• Mike: I'm going to stand right over here. Me: So he can wait and hope that she falls down and he can save her life and mark off another tick on his counter. Mike: Precisely. Even if I have to hit you with a magic missile.
• Me (rolling damage): Six. Four. Five. Six. GM: Twenty-one. Me: Plus twenty. GM (stares): What? Me: Plus five for each hit. So plus twenty. GM: Well, crap.
• Me: That sort of attitude is something that one should foster. I'll let them live. GM: What? Abject terror? Me: Apathy is also good.
• ZoaS: So it's like Jesus Christ the vampire hunter? Me: More or less.
• Me: I have a long history of playing clerics of Dalune with quirks. Phloxin: Quirks, nothing. They're fucking bats.
• ZoaS: I attack the rubble!
• ZoaS: I attempt to intimidate the rubble. GM: You give it a stern look. It is unmoved.
• Mike: Nothing like watching a woman break a sweat. ZoaS: He's worrying me.
• GM: Now they're two piles of burnt rotting vegetation. Me: Oh, gods, I bet that stinks.
• Me: Two hits. Mike: You make salad. GM: Rotting salad. Phloxin: A slaad!
• Phloxin: Are you going to do something useful or just look at the tapestries?
• Phloxin: Yay, I made the vegetable scream.
• Me: Now I'm unconscious. Mike: Good.
• Tiff: So the one she's lying with is the one that's almost dead? Me: I am not lying with the plant. I am lying in the plant!
• David: At least you didn't get smacked in the face with a pickled were-weasel...
• David: My toe now has racing stripes. Fascinating.
• Dash: We want your muscles, not your weasel.
• David: I'm kind of rounded everywhere.
• Me: What is with this (making the limp-wristed gesture)? Is it some kind of ancient gay tradition? GM: It's the secret handshake. Phloxin: And then some.
• Dash: Mennonites in the morning? Me: That's why they're menno-nites.
• Me: I may look like a boy, but I've got an 18 Charisma. Everybody wants me. ZoaS: Including the Pope.