A chance to clear my mind...

1:30 PM. Haven't seen my Lily online all day to find out when she's planning on meeting up. On a whim, I page Asmo, ask if he knows where she is. She took a shower, to get ready to come get me, he says. Oh. Wouldn't that've been nice to know? It takes a few long - very long - moments to fight down the turbulent emotions that run through me. Betrayal, jealousy, frustration... You're not being careful, Lily bright. At least not as far as I can tell. You're not being careful, and you're going to get hurt, and it's going to break my heart when you do, because you're not the only one who's going to get hurt. I would've gone with you to get him, but it seems like you're playing it like I do with you, like I know I shouldn't, like I'm trying so hard not to. Taking chances you shouldn't. I would've liked to know that you were going down, at the very least. It would've been nice. I've been dying for a chance to see you, talk to you, since you won't talk unless it's face to face. I want to know what's going on from something better than secondhand for once, feel like half the friend you tell me I am. Seems like every time we make plans, something else comes up. And sometimes I even find out about it before it comes up. I can deal with being second or third or last; I just have to stop expecting any more. And I'm writing this in the heat of the moment, so I'm prone to hyperbole, and I don't think I'll even post this so you can read it.