I promise, Joe, I have no hard feelings toward you...

Okay. E-mailed J1 asking if I could crash at the place he's renting at. He talked it over with the owner of the house, J3, and J3 said fine. I was to contact D and find out if he wanted rent reimbursement, since D was supposed to pay through September. D said, in essence, no. Because he was having a dispute with J3. So last night, J3 tells J1 that since D had communicated to him that he was not going to pay September rent, he expected me to pay $20 a day to stay here. And that J1 could be the one to tell me. It is important here to note that monthly rent for those staying in this place is $375. You do the math, O Best Beloved. J1, understandably, was uncomfortable with the position he was placed in, and evidently concerned that I was going to be angry with him about it. I am, emphatically, not upset with J1; he couldn't contact me last night because of domain problems, and didn't get his e-mail back until I had left. He had no way to tell me of the impending situation. And it's not his fault anyway; things became a tangled web after he had thought it would all work out well. J3 wanted me to sign off on a contract tonight. J1 explained that he didn't think the situation was fair to me. In fact, he did most of the arguing with J3 for me, a fact for which I am exceedingly grateful. This may surprise those of you who know my tendency to snarl and rail, but I am terrified of confrontation, especially with strangers. Having backup made it tolerable. Being able to offer - since J3 has this vested interest in renting the room - that I would call around and find another place to stay so he could rent it also helped. No contract signing took place. None will. I see why D told me I should watch out. It was most unnerving. So I'm staying tonight, no problem, no furniture either. On the floor. It's a very nice floor; quite comfortable, in fact. But it's not worth $20 a night, not even with wireless 'net access. And tomorrow, I'll call Chris and Aura and beg to see if they have some spare space. And if that fails, I can always stay with Angel's grandma, who's a very sweet woman who keeps telling me I should come stay with her. But she doesn't have 'net access. I miss my Angel, already. When I arrived, it was dark and the sky was covered in scudding clouds, traced by ribbons of driving lightning. It was silent, cool, the rain not-yet-come. Now the rain has come, and come despite the partly-opened window of my car (the seat is damp, no worse), come to wash the world and leave behind soft grit cold against my bare feet, come to send lightning flashing in its wake, the thunder once again silent. It rains like the tears I am still fighting not to shed. It is frustrating, this ever-shifting plan to find a place where I can stay and rest, enjoy myself as best I can in the aching loneliness of not-having, of missing my Angel. But it is not so bad. I have a roof over my head tonight. I have good friends I can call tomorrow. I have family, and love, and I am not alone. So sleep deep and well, O Best Beloved, and think of me tomorrow, if you have a spare moment to send thoughts my way. I will make this work, somehow, one way or another. It is only a week and a half, after all.