I think....I think there is poetry somewhere inside to express the anguish and the bewilderment, the confustion and the pain. I think it's there.
But it's lost behind a blanket of indifference, of "I'm tired of this shit"; submerged beneath cynicism and worry. Why spend your time staring at a television screen (
I haven't turned mine on tonight; I got my news from CNN's homepage, and only the cover story at that) when there's a set of four exams on Friday, two of which you don't have the notes for - and they're pursued by singing on Sunday and another exam - my chance to redeem myself in Pathology - on Monday?
Why
shouldn't I, for once, submerge myself in petty details, in ignoring the fucked-up state our country's in - the world's in? Why shouldn't I care - now, more than ever - about what I'm doing here?
Part of me yearns, aches, dies to be out with the teams who have refused to leave Iraq, vowing that they will succour the wounded and the needy. And I can only do that in a future unhappy world where war tears some country into pieces...I can only do that if I learn how to do it now. I must. I must care about what I am doing, in all its tedium and tortuousness, because without knowledge, I cannot heal.
If you believe in prayer, pray for a quick and effective resolution to the war in Iraq, for the troops who are over there, and for the families - of all nations - who are affected.
If you don't, then hope.
MOTD on Arcana, echoed here. After all, to quote : "It's okay to hope we win. I know you've fought the notion of war all this time, I know you must feel ignored and unappreciated; but now that it has begun, it is okay to let go of the rage, step over here, and hope that "our side" wins, and wins swiftly." Because ultimately, now that it has begun, the only thing to do is to complete what we have set out to accomplish - to remember, somehow, that the ashes that fall from these strikes fall on ground that must be rebuilt. And that if something of freedom and peace can be rebuilt from the destruction - it is not all entirely in vain, no matter how it came about. We have sowed enough salted ground on this earth; let us not salt this as well with hatred and derision. Let us do what we have come to do, poor mortals that we are, and then let us see what can be done of our errors.
God works through those who serve God, whether they call Them by that name or not - whether they know whom they serve or not. As C.S. Lewis put it so aptly in The Last Battle:
Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him, for I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath's sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn , though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted. Dost thou understand me, Child?
And God is bigger than Dubya and Hussein and all the mistakes of this poor mortal world rolled into one. With faith and effort and love and ceaseless devotion, we will heal what war has destroyed. We cannot give up. Who am I to lose faith when my faith is so sorely needed? Who am I to falter and step aside when my hands have work yet to be done? Safe? Oh, no, Child. He is not safe. But he is Good.
...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.
Joshua 24:15
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