Tonight's RP quotage...

• Angel: I want a talking rock. GM: You can have a disembodied rock. Angel: What's it disembodied from? GM: The earth.
• David: Are there many undead pedophiles wandering around? GM: That depends on what you mean by pedophile - undead children? Me: Because you have the undead children who are seven or eight hundred years old and just look like Michael Jackson's wet dream... GM (cringing): I think...I might have to kill your character for that.
• David: Why does everyone always blame me for all the disturbing things that get said? GM: Because you said them. David: Whether I said them or not is not the issue. Why am I getting blamed? Angel: You can tell you're going into law.
• GM: We don't get drunk. We get sober.
• David: I need a bag of... Me: Many weasels?
• Angel: It's a dire ferret.
• David: I can have....fifty-two weasels! GM (cringing): No, you can't.
• GM: You're in the....conservatory. David: There's a candlestick and Professor Plum! I win!
• Angel: I kick you in the jimmy. David: I don't have a jimmy.
• Me: I'm looking for something cute, sweet, and young. Angel: Siren. David: Nymph. Angel: Demonic siren with a vampiric template.
• GM: It takes most of the afternoon to get her to boff you, but you can. Me: Okay. Then I take all of her clothes while she's sleeping and leave them with the innkeeper. GM: What was the point of that? Me: Well, she had a reputation. GM: Not...until now. Me: Oh, and I leave her about twenty or thirty gold pieces. GM (spluttering): Why? Me: I'm Chaotic Evil. He's bored, and it's better than killing her... GM: Mental note: Olivia is now a whore.
• GM: Make a Fort Save, DC 22. David: Um, failed. GM (gleefully): You die. David: Wait. That was my Reflex bonus. I made it. GM: Damn.
• Angel: I am the opposite of the average alignment around me...
• Angel: Don't Creeping Doom the boat. David: I'm not going to Creeping Doom the boat. It's a bunch of Evil Things. If you want to kill a bunch of Evil Things, you use a happy sunbeam! I'm going to happy sunshiny the boat...
• James: ...keep you in the basement, and torture you daily. Observing Little Child: Okay. James: By making you listen to opera. Child: Um, um....
• Angel: I don't know if undead going out with sunglasses on works...
• David: If Nykki was a guy, she could probably sell her sperm for lots of money.
• GM: ... A city made of glass. Me (facepalming): Oh, no. GM (gleefully): It's sparkly.
• Me: I look a little green. GM: You have a green drow.
• David: I watch the drow sparring and use Thousand Faces to look like him, then look like her. Then him, then her. Angel: Freak. Me: For once I agree with you. David: I look hurt. Or, rather, he looks hurt, then she looks hurt, then he looks hurt....
• We are on the Celestial plane. Angel (to me): You. Don't talk to anyone on this plane. Don't even look at anyone.
• David: We need to do some Kima-therapy (Kima is the goddess of passion)
• Me: MY squishy brain.
• Angel (to David): Hold still, I'll kill you, and then that will set the balance all right. David: How about you suicide on him (pointing to James), and that'll work out in the long run?
• David: We need to find the One of Blooded Wings. Sounds like Ralph.
• David: I sold my wings for a- Me: Mess of pottage? David: Yes. Angel (the religion major): What? GM: I thought she said "massive cottage"...
• Me: In typing out this "mess of pottage" thing, I think I missed something awful that's about to happen to me. GM: Nope. Not yet.
• GM (eerily): They speak of a daemon child....his wings drip blood... David: Do you know where he lives? Me (singing): Do you know the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man...?
• GM: You can tell it's in disrepair because it's not quite as shiny as the rest of them. David: I cast Light on it to spruce it up a bit.
• David (about me): Paranoid, isn't he? Angel: Yes. David: Do you think there's anything he wants to atone for? Me: That's the best part. I don't want to atone for anything.
• David: This one is...the deity of pleasurable wedgies.
• James (to Angel): What's wrong? Is your god broken?
• Angel: I don't know how someone who's four foot five is carrying two naginatas... GM: They're shortened for your pleasure.
• David: I transmute the chains to wood. GM: They clunk now. Are you going to summon two Dire Beavers? David: Hey....
• GM: You're floating in the Astral Plane. Me: I turn white.
• David: ...to the desert on a horse with no name... GM: Clyde.
• GM: Morning comes. Angel: Eww, watch your fingers. James: I give it Kleenex.
• David: Can you warp a woody?
• GM: What about it, James? Is your character going to go along with being stuck like a pig? James (looking down): What do you think? David: You're asking your wang?