Oh, dear God.

The following is probably of interest only to those who live in Indiana...

• You think the State Bird is Larry.
• You don't know what a "Pacer" is and have never even wondered.
• You know that "Mellencamp" went to "Cougar" and back to "Mellencamp."
• You can say "French Lick" without laughing out loud.
• There's actually a college near you named "Ball State."
• You know Batesville is the "casket making capital of the world," and you're proud of it.
• The last "g" is silent in any word ending in "ing."
• You could never figure out "spring forward -- fall back," so "Screw Daylight Savings Time!!"
• Your feelings get hurt whenever someone points out the acronym for Purdue University is "P-U."
• You know several people who have hit a deer.
• You've never met any celebrities.
• You've seen all the biggest bands 10 years after they were popular.
• Down south to you means Kentucky.
• You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute."
• Your school was canceled because of cold.
• Your school was canceled because of heat.
• You know what the phrase "Knee-high by the Fourth of July" means.
• You've heard of Euchre, you know how to play Euchre, and you are the master of Euchre.
• You can see a running car, with nobody in it, in the parking lot of the grocery store, no matter what time of year it is.
• Versailles is really pronounced Versailles.
• You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
• Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second. Or you could stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off, and then have the strength to play a couple of games of hoops, all in the same barn lot on the same day.
• You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day ("Stoke the fire" and "fling open the windows" for the older version).
• You say things like "catty-wumpus" and "kitty-corner."
• You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave both of them unlocked.
• You keep jumper cables in your car.
• You drink "pop."
• You know that bailin' wire was the predecessor to duct tape.
• You know that strangers are the only ones who come to your "front" door.
• Kids and dogs ride in the passenger seats of cars and the backs of pickups.
• You think nothing of being stuck behind farm implements driving on the roads in spring and fall.
• High school basketball game draws a bigger crowd on the weekend than movie theaters, IF you have movie theaters.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• You know a "harvest moon" when you see one.
• You have seen the headlights used on a tractor to put crops in or harvest them after dark.
• The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six for local sports.
• Can repeat the scores of the last eight IU games, but unless the MVP is a Hoosier, you are not sure who he is.
• You can see at least two basketball hoops from your yard.
• You can name every one of Bob Knight's "exploits" over the last few years.
• You shop at Marsh.
• You have family members who know how to "can" and still do.
• You know that the "Ball" in Ball State all started with Ball canning jars.
• You know who Damon Bailey is, where he went to school, and maybe even know what he is doing now.
• The biggest question of your youth was "IU or Purdue."
• You can "smell" rain coming.
• Indianapolis is the "big city."
• "Getting caught by a train" is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.
• You're not surprised on an August day when the temperature and relative humidity are the same number and they are both 100.
• The Wabash River is the "biggest body of water" near your house.
• You know several stories about how the term "Hoosier" came to be.
• You know that the "berm" is the shoulder of the road.
• People at your high school chewed tobacco.
• Everyone knows who the town cop is, where he lives, and whether he is at home or on duty.
• You have used the retort, "You think it's cold now? Wait til winter gets here."
• To get to school you had to drive on a gravel road, a road with several right-angle turns in it, or if you were really lucky, over a covered bridge.
• People in your neighborhood really, REALLY like NASCAR.
• You actually know what the CART vs IRL debate is about and have taken a side.
• The vehicle of choice in your area is not a car, but a pickup.
• You are a BIG John Mellencamp fan.
• You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival.
• You took back roads to get there. "Why sit in traffic"?
• To you, tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty, breaded piece of pork served on a bun with pickles.

Oh, dear God. Do you have any idea how many of those I can say "yes" to? Thank you very much, Jefe, for making me feel like I'm never going to escape this state. Note: NASCAR being not my thing, I'm not sure - but I think the CART vs IRL debate is involved with it. Would someone like to enlighten me? Also Note: If you have ever had to explain to someone what it means to be lost in a cornfield...